what a boy wants

Before we get started with turning you into the perfect porn star wife, let’s take a step back.

Do you honestly have any idea what your husband wants, sexually?

“Of course I do, he wants me,” is not an acceptable answer.

My husband is thankfully straight forward when it comes to what he wants.  If he likes something he sees — be it porn, a dress some girl is wearing on the street, or a double cheeseburger — he has no problem pointing it out to me and describing exactly what he likes about it.  Unfortunately for the female population, most guys aren’t like my husband — they’re not terribly adept at pointing out details in what they appreciate about, say, the fairer sex, and this often lands them in trouble with, well, the fairer sex.  For example, if a guy says some girl is “hot” to his wife/girlfriend, without articulating exactly what makes the girl “hot,” he’s likely to offend his lady (think about the difference between “that girl is hot” and “the dress that girl is wearing would look really good on you” or “I like her hair, you should try doing yours that way sometime”).

The moral of this story is that you probably have no idea what your husband wants sexually, unless the two of you are uncharacteristically open with each other.  And even if you are uncharacteristically open, chances are you only know what he wants right now.  Guys (and a lot of girls) appreciate variety, and if you’re in a monogamous relationship, that means it’s up to you to be, well, varied.

The easiest way to figure out what he likes, if he’s typically male and a “big picture” sorta guy (the “big picture” orientation of the male brain is one of the reasons guys are unable to aptly articulate what they like — they just don’t know.  A lot of guys will say something like, “I like red lingerie,” but there are about eight thousand different styles of red lingerie.  This big picture orientation is also why they never notice when you get your hair cut) is to watch porn.

Three types of red lingerie. My husband only likes one of these.

Yeah, porn.  If you don’t want to watch it together, that’s fine (though, honestly, if you’re having sex with the man I’m not sure what the big deal is) — just have him send you a few links of porn scenes/sites he enjoys.  I guarantee you that most men, barring the religious sector, have a few porn sites in their bookmarks.  Once he’s sent you the links, actually take a look — and pay attention to details.

It’s important to remember, especially if you’re easily offended, that just because he links you to a site doesn’t mean he wants everything in any particular scene to happen.  This is why it’s better to view it with him, so he can at least try to point out what he finds sexy.  Also remember this, if you start feeling self conscious because your body isn’t exactly like the porn stars’: he married you.  Guys don’t usually marry girls they find sexually unattractive — so brush off your insecurities.

If you can’t figure out exactly what he’s into based on his porn tastes, ask him specific questions.  Don’t ask him “what do you like about this scene,” ask him “do you like her stockings?” or “do you like her eye makeup?”  (This is also something you can do in real life — point out random women on the street and ask if he likes their dress/skirt/shoes/bracelet/necklace.  If you get a lot of “Dunno,” ask him if he’d like it if you wore that dress/skirt/shoes/bracelet/necklace.  Hopefully he’ll give you a better answer.)

If your guy is still a mystery after all of this hard work, then it’s time to do some recon.  And by recon I mean just start mixing it up and see what he responds to.

So go do your thing ladies, and once you’ve figured out what your boy wants — report back to me and we’ll get started.

16 thoughts on “what a boy wants

  1. Pingback: Linkage is Good for You: Last of the Old Edition

  2. This post is so out of touch with mainstream America. First, most women out there are horrified at the thought that a man might view porn, much less the suggestion that she might want to watch with him! Most women either do not understand or, if they do, refuse to accept the nature of male sexuality–that its nature is very visual (eg waist-to-hip ratio), and that for a man, there is a complete disconnect between sex and love. For example, many men are in love with their wives despite the fact the wife has grown to obese to get erect for.

    You suggest that men are not going to get married to women they are not asexually attracted to. I actually think this happens quite a bit, and will happen more and more with the rising tide of obese women—men want to love a woman, and he can if she is nice enough, but he simply cannot perform for her because she is too fat.

    Even if a woman is willing to find out what a man’s fantasy woman is wearing on a porn site, it certainly does not mean he would like his gf to wear it. There is a lot of stuff on the internet in terms of lingerie and looks that I turn me on but my gf would look pretty silly in—the stuff turns me on with a woman with a fantastic body, but its just not going to look good on her, even if she was willing to wear it in the first place.

    There can be no enhancement of female beauty through lingerie, leading to an enhanced erection and better sex for the man, if the woman doesn’t have the body to pull it off in the first place–this applies to 80% of american women, especially in fly over country, where I live.

  3. @NMH —

    most women out there are horrified at the thought that a man might view porn, much less the suggestion that she might want to watch with him!

    a big part of this is the attitude that *you* project. if you act like it’s something to be ashamed of, don’t be surprised when she acts the same way, too.

    for a man, there is a complete disconnect between sex and love

    i feel you here, but, if “complete” is not actually an exaggeration, then … i’m sorry.
    i.e., if you haven’t had sex that’s infused with love/passion, then you may as well not have had sex at all.

    I actually think this happens quite a bit, and will happen more and more with the rising tide of obese women—men want to love a woman, and he can if she is nice enough, but he simply cannot perform for her because she is too fat.

    i can’t fathom this possibility, unless you’re talking about a second wife for a man who has aged out of his formerly intense sex drive.
    otherwise:
    rly?

    the stuff turns me on with a woman with a fantastic body, but its just not going to look good on her, even if she was willing to wear it in the first place

    if you describe what she looks like, then, from the looks of things, wifey could probably give you a few suggestions.

    There can be no enhancement of female beauty through lingerie, leading to an enhanced erection and better sex for the man, if the woman doesn’t have the body to pull it off in the first place

    au contraire, unless you’re talking obese to the extent that her weight, as measured in stone, is roughly equal to her dress size.
    otherwise, a big girl can look a damn sight better in certain types of lingerie. you’re probably just not looking hard (heh) enough.
    in fact, there are certain types of lingerie that *only* look good on somewhat bigger women — think e.g. corsets and certain types of bustiers.

    look man, there’s a kernel of truth to what you’re saying, but it’s only a kernel — and it’s smaller than you think.
    it may take you some time to get to the “glass half full” perspective, but ferchrissake at least try to graduate up to “glass half empty” from your current state, which seems to be more like “fuck it, i’ll just pour out the other half”.

  4. @NMH Most women? Know their fellow occasionally watches porn. most women? Don’t are as long as he still wants them. Most women? masturbate on their own occasionally.

  5. “and that for a man, there is a complete disconnect between sex and love.”

    Glad you mentioned it, I think this could use a subtle clarification:
    -A man’s sexual hardware will operate without love being in the picture at all.
    -A man’s love hardware will not operate to capacity without sex.

    Or, in the male psychology, sex is a part of love, love is not a part of sex.

  6. I hope you intend to break him of porn as soon as you find out what he likes. It’s not even necessary to visit porn sites for a guy to know what he finds sexy: we have television, Victoria Secret, and certain young people today for that.

  7. honestly, i think i watch more porn than my husband does. but it’s not like we have time to watch porn anyway…very busy…with sex…;)

  8. This kind of openness could help plenty of couples. A lot of people get defensive or throw up walls around things like porn or pointing something out that’s hot about another woman. That’s too bad, because if you stop and listen you can learn a lot and apply it in your own bedroom.

  9. My boy likes being called my boy. He calls me girl and I call him boy. It makes us feel young and carefree. Also, it is a rest from his public life that he can come home and behind closed doors lay his head on my lap and get spoilt and have his hair stroked and have ice cream made for him.

    That said, he’s a very built man and there is no doubt in anyone’s eyes that he is a man. Protesting so much would be like me protesting is someone called me a girl or young lady instead of being called a woman. Or do you think that’s ok? Doesn’t sound like a feminist harpie? Because way you said that to wifey ‘let’s try that again’ sounded like a male equivalent i.e. immediately put my back up.

  10. theprivateman/lily

    yeah, i don’t care much for “man”

    which is why, as you’ll notice, i call my boy “the boy”

  11. @NMH! Jezus, man… What is your thing with obese women? Why is it that I can’t read one of this woman’s eloquent, well written and incredibly insightful yet fucking naughty-ass posts without your freakishly misogynistic input? Please get some help.

  12. @wifey

    look man, there’s a kernel of truth to what you’re saying, but it’s only a kernel — and it’s smaller than you think.
    it may take you some time to get to the “glass half full” perspective, but ferchrissake at least try to graduate up to “glass half empty” from your current state, which seems to be more like “fuck it, i’ll just pour out the other hal

    You kill me! thank you! And by the way… big girls in lingerie? Fuck me, that’s hot.

  13. Good day! I simply want to give a huge thumbs up for the nice data you might have here on this post.
    I will probably be coming again to your blog for extra soon.

  14. My wife is the over-jealous type of female. If I objectively point out something I find attractive in a woman other than her, she becomes hostile and jumps to the “well go date her then!” attitude toward my comment. Not only that, but If I make any suggestion at all to her performance in bed, her reply is something along the lines of “go find a whore or a porn star then!!!”. Is there any way for me to communicate constructive criticism to her without putting her in a defensive mode?

    Sincerely,
    Ben

    P.S. – Your articles are remarkably accurate on the male psyche. I’m surprised that your husband didn’t write these, because they are far too much in tune with the male thought process to have come entirely from a woman. 🙂

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