can’t have it both ways

Inspired by Alte’s post: A woman is a finite resource.

Alte makes a good point — in certain unnamed parts of the web, I see a lot of guys complaining that they can’t have the perfect, gorgeous, sexual, submissive, domestic, religious, virginal wife who cooks, cleans, pops out children, is skilled in all areas of sex, and who manages to have an extracurricular activity that’s both feminine and profitable.  In fact, in some parts of the web I even see guys who want a complete paradox in a woman, such as a demure, virginal girl who also looks exactly like a porn star.  Yeah — never going to happen.

I am many things that a man wants, physically.  I’m tall, I’m athletic, I’m extremely well-proportioned, and I have long hair, smooth skin, and just enough muscle tone.  I’m also sexually submissive and insatiable, I love prancing around in heels and short skirts, and I’m generally fun to be around, optimistic, and easy-going.  I’m intelligent and logical, I don’t care about money, and I hate talking about “us.”  Also, I know how to hack an Xbox Kinect, beat the house at blackjack, and kill a deer, all in heels (except for that last one), of course.  Plus, I like kids and animals and I make awesome home-made chili!  Yeah, I’m pretty good wifey material.

Actually, I’m not.  I’m cocky — hey, you don’t walk around looking like I do without knowing it — and I love attention, especially male attention.  I’m fun to be around, but I’m also loathe to be serious — in any context.  I’m intelligent and logical, but I also lack that sexy mystery of the emotionally-driven female.  I hate talking about “us,” and I mean I really hate talking about “us.”  Getting me to discuss relationship issues is like pulling teeth.  I don’t care about money to the point where if you’re making a lot, you’re setting the stage for a big turn-off.  I can do all of those fun boy things such as hacking, gambling, and shooting big game, but I can’t do any of the girl things such as…getting a tan, or shopping, or getting my nails done.  I do like kids and animals, and I do make awesome food, but I also don’t do laundry until I’ve been going commando for a few days, and I eat food out of the pan in order to avoid having to do more dishes.

Now some of these things may sound pretty cool to some guys — such as the fact that I don’t like to shop or get my nails done — but reality is this: even to the guys who say they don’t want a girl who shops all the time, a girl who hates shopping sets off red flags.  And a girl who really hates when guys have a lot of money?  Well that means you’re going to have to bring something — something big, that’s not money or status — to the relationship.

No, it’s not ideal at all, is it?  But you can’t have it both ways.

8 thoughts on “can’t have it both ways

  1. Good post. Women are not the only ones with the never-ending list of traits that the “perfect” spouse must have. We have to prioritize because everything comes with a cost.

  2. “Im cocky”

    And that makes you unsuitable wife material for most men. A woman who thinks she is hot is a huge turn off, and high risk for slutting around (in this case fucking other men).

    Whatever happened to sexy and modest?

  3. Paige —

    Thanks for commenting! Yes, everything comes with a cost! And in many cases, certain traits exist in women/people to the EXCLUSION of other traits. One of the more common examples that I see is the “why are there no demure virgins who look like porn stars”? As NMH says above, “whatever happened to sexy and modest”? Honestly, it never “happened” in the first place — if a woman was hot, she was never modest (some classic examples of sexy and modest are women like Audrey Hepburn and Jackie O., but let’s be serious — most guys think these women are ugly…), because she didn’t have to be. As for the strong woman who works in the fields…as Alte pointed out on her blog, she’s usually built like an ox. Etc. You won’t find an extremely intelligent woman who’s okay with sitting at home all day. You won’t find a petite woman who can also move boulders. You won’t find a terribly attractive woman who doesn’t know it.

    NMH —

    Stop trying to get into my pants, I’m already married!!

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  5. I don’t think you’re alone with the hating to talk about “us” part. That’s one thing I had to learn early in my marriage. As men, it’s constantly drilled in us that women LOVE to talk about everything and that’s how they work things out. Needless to say I was shocked my wife never enjoyed these “us” conversations.

    Since then, I keep it to the point and let her come to me if she really wants to talk about it more. If I have something I need to say it gets said, but I don’t try to belabor the point anymore for the sake of having conversation. I’ve noticed that gets better results now too.

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