full-time vs. part-time homemakers

I note this comment over at Alte’s blog, by David Collard:

My wife seems to manage to do both. She works weekdays, except Wednesday, which she basically takes off to catch up on washing (laundry) and sometimes shopping. She does most of the traditional housewife stuff but also earns some money in a more junior position than mine. I earn the bulk of (but not all) the money. I do home handyman (some) on the weekends. I think we are a bit overstretched, especially as we have three children, two of whom are on the autism spectrum.

And Alte’s response:

May I suggest that:

1. Your wife has much more income to her disposal than many/most housewives.
2. Your wife is not raising young children.
3. Your wife is not homeschooling.
4. You are not often away for long business trips.
5. If your wife is a part-time homemaker she will not accomplish as much as a full-time homemaker, and you simply do not miss the things she isn’t doing.

In other words, she manages to do it because she is doing less than I am, and she has more support and help than I do.

Which prompts the question (but does not beg it), are full-time homemakers doing it for themselves, or for their husbands and families?  The traditional response is that they are doing it for their husbands and families, and that they should be content and happy to work for such amazing “bosses.”  Fine, I don’t have contention with the idea that working to better the lives of the people you care about is a good thing (though it’s extremely idealistic to imagine most people will see it this way — sorry, that’s just the way the world works).

But I’m not sure that full-time homemakers are doing it for their husbands and their families.  Barring the existence of young — and we’re talking not-in-school (I don’t believe in homeschooling, but that’s a topic for another time) — children, a full-time homemaker is likely not improving the lives of her husband and/or children enough to warrant zero paid working hours.

As Alte says, “a part-time homemaker will not accomplish as much as a full-time homemaker, and you simply do not miss the things she isn’t doing.” And there’s the issue.  If the husband and/or children do not miss the things she isn’t doing, i.e. they are not critical for the happiness and health of the family, then why is she doing them?  I’m not talking about things that the husband is just “taking for granted” — no, because when you take something for granted you don’t miss it until it’s gone…but you do miss it, when it’s gone.  I’m talking about little homemaker flourishes that men don’t even notice — when it’s there, or when it’s not there.

As I stated in an earlier post, I am far from “a housewife.”  A commenter pointed out that perhaps my husband simply “forgives” me for not doing as much housework, because I’m tremendously sexy:

A husband only cares about his wife not doing enough housework if the house is a COMPLETE disaster, or if other areas are lacking. Based on this post, you do enough work around the house so that it doesn’t turn to hell, and based on other blog posts, you sex your husband up enough to the point that he should be a happy man. So yeah, you’re not a housewife but I’m sure it’s forgiven, lol.

Now, it’s true that my husband and I are always forgoing productive tasks in favor of sex, but that likely has little to do with his non-issues about me and my non-housewifeyness.  The reader did touch on the root of the issue, which is that the husband usually only cares “if the house is a COMPLETE disaster.”  Quite frankly, men often have lower standards when it comes to basic housework than do women.  It’s not until the laundry hasn’t been done for about two months, that my husband even takes note.  And this usually has little to do with the growing pile of laundry overtaking our laundry room, and more to do with the fact that he’s run out of socks.

Luckily for my husband, I have all the housework standards of a teenage boy.  So while we both do a little housework here and there, neither of us really notices if the house is going to hell until one of our friends says they’re coming over to hang out.  Then, of course, comes the mad dash to put everything in the spare room and close the door.  The point is this: I could cook and clean all day long, and my husband would hardly notice it.  In fact, if I were to clean all day I’m sure my husband would just feel uncomfortable, and like he didn’t live there.

My mother is impeccably neat and organized.  My father is not.  When my mother asks my father to clean something, he does what he thinks is a great job, but what is barely up to the standard of my mother.  Is the moral of this story that my mother is just that much better at housework?  No, it’s that my mother is an obsessive-compulsive crazy person who would find most hospitals to be full of uncleanliness.  When my mother is working, is there a drop in her housework and homemaking?


Thank god.


wifey material

I followed a link from Paige’s blog to PMAFT’s blog, at which there’s an article lamenting the lack of women who are full of wifely goodness.  I’ll go ahead and say it right now — I agree with Paige, Sir PMAFT is being a bit of a drama queen.

That said, the article illustrates more than PMAFT’s melodramatic soul when it comes to the modern day woman.  It also illustrates just why the men of The Spearhead/MGTOW are never going to get what they want.  Because, you know, they have no idea what they want.

PMAFT says:

There’s a long list of issues that make women below marriage quality.  Some of these issues are as basic as lacking cooking knowledge.  A better way of putting that would be a lack of basic life skills knowledge.  Lots of women are varying degrees of being entitlement princesses.  Many women have assimilated feminist contempt and hate for men, and that includes conservative, and tradition church going women who insist they are “not feminists”.  Most women are completely unsuitable for motherhood.

Ah, yes, the epic list.  Lacking cooking knowledge!  Entitlement princesses!  Man haters!  Unsuitable mothers!

Look, I’m not saying that the modern-day woman is a domestic goddess who will settle for the first random dude who comes along and bask in his manly glory, because she isn’t.  That said, ragging on women’s cooking skills is just stupid, considering that anyone with half a brain can whip up a decent meal.  In fact, because most young adults live on their own for at least some period of time before settling down, they’re actually quite good at whipping up a decent meal (and on a budget, too).  As for the other chores, again, it gets did somehow.  And hey, here’s the good news: if she’s never lifted a finger to do laundry or cook, that means you’ve got yourself a sugar mama!

As for the rest of it — entitlement princessery, hatred for men, blah blah blah, this is a complaint I only hear from one type of guy.  Hint: it’s not the type of guy women want.  I’ll agree, though, it is unfortunate for some of the betas out there that they are now expected to bring it.

And just a note on women being unsuitable for motherhood — most people are completely unsuitable for parenthood until, oh HELL NO, nature throws them a baby or two.  Especially back in the day when people were more prone to popping out babies at 14 or 15?  I can say with a fair degree of accuracy that these kids were not models of epic parentdom.


Sexual behavior is a huge problem too.  Even among traditional church going women you’re still not going to find any virgin women (if we’re talking about a traditional Christian perspective of marriage quality women) outside of isolated and obscure communities and churches which you will never be able to access since you weren’t born into them.

If, and only if, you, as a man, are saving yourself for your future wife — in other words, you are a virgin yourself, then fine.  Find a sexy virginal girl and marry away.  But if you’re not a virgin, then not only can you not complain, but you should be seriously worried about a girl past her teenage years who is still a virgin.  Because, damn — she cold.

PMAFT words:

Except for men willing to go expat (and there’s a shrinking number of destinations available for this), very few men should get married.

Oh, right, because women who are willing to marry outside their culture/race/country are really going to be paragons of wifely femininity.  If she’s willing to deny her family, culture, country, and language for you, she wants your money.  If there’s one good thing we can say about American women, it’s that they’re less — not to be confused with “not” — mercenary than other women.

Ultimately, this is what I see guys complaining about — and honestly, that’s only on the internet…the guys I know in real life are chillaxin’, getting laid, and generally fine with the world — the lack of women who are willing to be paragons of domestic wifeyness for one thing in return: ca$h.  These guys complain that they are guys with stable, well-paying jobs and so…they should have some girl doting on them when they get home.

Seriously, that’s it.  When you ask what they have to bring to the table, they can’t come up with anything except some excuse of, “Back in the 1950’s I would’ve had a wife who would have loved my financial stability.”

Obsidian said it well over at Alte’s blog:

I love the idea of being able to appeal to a Woman on the basis of me alone; that she has chosen me, not because I’m a meal ticket or because she couldn’t do any better, but because I was able to effectively make my case as a Man and in having strong seduction skills. I don’t need money, education or “status”; I only need these. All of the Women I’ve dealt with had more formal education than myself, and in many cases outearned me; they all could have chosen to marry that Big Law, doctor or MBA type and live a sedate life out in the burbs but didn’t, and chose me instead. When I asked them why, they all told me the same thing – because said guys were “boring” – in other words, they lacked GAME.

Excellently put.


I spent most of today doing housework.  I cleaned the bathrooms, cleaned the kitchen, ran the sweeper, did 3 weeks’ worth of laundry, and went shopping for groceries and other supplies.  Ugh.

Housework totally depresses me.  It’s very mundane, I can’t surf the internet while doing it (for the most part), and the chemicals give me a headache.  However, in between chore-type things, I also did some non-housework.  Now it’s 3 a.m., and I’m totally exhausted (don’t feel too sorry for me, though, I woke up at noon today).  I thought of the various housewifey blogs that talk about how housework is so much easier and fun if you don’t have a non-housewife job.

I’m not sure I agree with this.  The actual housework itself is not terribly taxing — in fact, it’s just mindless enough that it bores me, but also just involved enough that I can’t really do anything else concurrently.  Not for real, anyway (watching TV and listening to music doesn’t count).  Actually, the only thing that kept me from breaking down in a fit of exhausted tears was my job, which I love so much that it’s like a fun vacation for me.  I imagine that if I wasn’t working “outside” the home (though I technically work from home), I’d honestly go crazy.

My husband, on the other hand, is the opposite.  He also loves his job (he’s also self-employed), but if he wasn’t working “outside” the home he’d chill out all day and read books and think life was generally fantastic.  I’m not exactly Type A, but he is very Type B.

Anyway, housework is done for the next month, as far as I’m concerned.  The boy can fold the laundry and do the dishes.  I would totally hire someone to do all this, but we live in a two-bedroom apartment.  Hiring someone feels a bit like a cop-out.  That said, our “second income” (mine) is fairly significant, and so maybe a cop-out is in order.

Yeah, I fail as a housewife.  But I’m hot, so who cares?

not a housewife blog

Diamond Foxxx, porn star

Lately I’ve been reading a lot of wifey-type blogs.  Particularly housewife blogs.  For some reason, these fascinate me.

Take Alte over at Traditional Catholicism, for example.  Or Hestia at The Coming Night.  Or Lady Lydia at Home Living.

These are all housewives who blog about their desire to go back to the glorified olden days — back when all the men were alpha providers, and all the ladies were domestic goddesses.  Unfortunately, they also blog about wearing long, flowing skirts and being ultra feminine and demure.

Really, ladies?

If I were to start sporting prairie-type dresses and sewing wall pockets (whatever those are, really), my husband would leave me post-haste for Ms. Foxxx over there.

I want to serve and please my husband as much as you ladies do, but I’m not stupid.

So this is not a housewife blog.  Not just because I’m not a housewife, but because there’s more to life than that.  He doesn’t need a housewife, he needs a wife.

And that’s what I am.