what a boy wants

Before we get started with turning you into the perfect porn star wife, let’s take a step back.

Do you honestly have any idea what your husband wants, sexually?

“Of course I do, he wants me,” is not an acceptable answer.

My husband is thankfully straight forward when it comes to what he wants.  If he likes something he sees — be it porn, a dress some girl is wearing on the street, or a double cheeseburger — he has no problem pointing it out to me and describing exactly what he likes about it.  Unfortunately for the female population, most guys aren’t like my husband — they’re not terribly adept at pointing out details in what they appreciate about, say, the fairer sex, and this often lands them in trouble with, well, the fairer sex.  For example, if a guy says some girl is “hot” to his wife/girlfriend, without articulating exactly what makes the girl “hot,” he’s likely to offend his lady (think about the difference between “that girl is hot” and “the dress that girl is wearing would look really good on you” or “I like her hair, you should try doing yours that way sometime”).

The moral of this story is that you probably have no idea what your husband wants sexually, unless the two of you are uncharacteristically open with each other.  And even if you are uncharacteristically open, chances are you only know what he wants right now.  Guys (and a lot of girls) appreciate variety, and if you’re in a monogamous relationship, that means it’s up to you to be, well, varied.

The easiest way to figure out what he likes, if he’s typically male and a “big picture” sorta guy (the “big picture” orientation of the male brain is one of the reasons guys are unable to aptly articulate what they like — they just don’t know.  A lot of guys will say something like, “I like red lingerie,” but there are about eight thousand different styles of red lingerie.  This big picture orientation is also why they never notice when you get your hair cut) is to watch porn.

Three types of red lingerie. My husband only likes one of these.

Yeah, porn.  If you don’t want to watch it together, that’s fine (though, honestly, if you’re having sex with the man I’m not sure what the big deal is) — just have him send you a few links of porn scenes/sites he enjoys.  I guarantee you that most men, barring the religious sector, have a few porn sites in their bookmarks.  Once he’s sent you the links, actually take a look — and pay attention to details.

It’s important to remember, especially if you’re easily offended, that just because he links you to a site doesn’t mean he wants everything in any particular scene to happen.  This is why it’s better to view it with him, so he can at least try to point out what he finds sexy.  Also remember this, if you start feeling self conscious because your body isn’t exactly like the porn stars’: he married you.  Guys don’t usually marry girls they find sexually unattractive — so brush off your insecurities.

If you can’t figure out exactly what he’s into based on his porn tastes, ask him specific questions.  Don’t ask him “what do you like about this scene,” ask him “do you like her stockings?” or “do you like her eye makeup?”  (This is also something you can do in real life — point out random women on the street and ask if he likes their dress/skirt/shoes/bracelet/necklace.  If you get a lot of “Dunno,” ask him if he’d like it if you wore that dress/skirt/shoes/bracelet/necklace.  Hopefully he’ll give you a better answer.)

If your guy is still a mystery after all of this hard work, then it’s time to do some recon.  And by recon I mean just start mixing it up and see what he responds to.

So go do your thing ladies, and once you’ve figured out what your boy wants — report back to me and we’ll get started.

not a housewife blog

Diamond Foxxx, porn star

Lately I’ve been reading a lot of wifey-type blogs.  Particularly housewife blogs.  For some reason, these fascinate me.

Take Alte over at Traditional Catholicism, for example.  Or Hestia at The Coming Night.  Or Lady Lydia at Home Living.

These are all housewives who blog about their desire to go back to the glorified olden days — back when all the men were alpha providers, and all the ladies were domestic goddesses.  Unfortunately, they also blog about wearing long, flowing skirts and being ultra feminine and demure.

Really, ladies?

If I were to start sporting prairie-type dresses and sewing wall pockets (whatever those are, really), my husband would leave me post-haste for Ms. Foxxx over there.

I want to serve and please my husband as much as you ladies do, but I’m not stupid.

So this is not a housewife blog.  Not just because I’m not a housewife, but because there’s more to life than that.  He doesn’t need a housewife, he needs a wife.

And that’s what I am.